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Date: 08 Feb 1996 05:58:54
Reply-To: Conference "zamir.chat" 
From: LasiewiczN@aol.com
Subject: Clinton Deploys Vowels
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          CLINTON DEPLOYS VOWELS TO BOSNIA 

     Cities of Sjlbvdnzv, Grzny to Be First Recipients 

    Before an emergency joint session of Congress yesterday, President 
Clinton announced US plans to deploy over 75,000 vowels to the war-torn 
region of Bosnia.  The deployment, the largest of its kind in American 
history, will provide the region with the critically needed letters A,E,I,O 
and U, and is hoped to render countless Bosnian names more pronounceable.

   "For six years, we have stood by while names like Ygrjvslhv and Tzlynhr
and
Glrm have been horribly butchered by millions around the world," Clinton 
said. "Today, the United States must finally stand up and say 'Enough.' It 
is time the people of Bosnia finally had some vowels in their 
incomprehensible words.  The US is proud to lead the crusade in this noble 
endeavour."

  The deployment, dubbed "Operation Vowel Storm" by the State Department, is
set
for early next week, with the Adriatic port cities of Sjlbvdnzv and Grzny
slated
to be the first recipients.  Two C-130 transport planes, each 
carrying over 500 24-count boxes of "E's," will fly from Andrews Air Force 
Base across the Atlantic and airdrop the letters over the cities.

   Citizens of Grzny and Sjlbvdnzv eagerly await the arrival of the 
vowels.  "My God, I do not think we can last another day," Trszg 
Grzdnjkln, 44, said.  "I have six children and none of them has a name 
that is understandable to me or to anyone else.  Mr. Clinton, please send 
my poor, wretched family just one 'E.' Please."

    Said Sjlbvdnzv resident Grg Hmphrs, 67: "With just a few key letters, I 
could be George Humphries. This is my dream."

   The airdrop represents the largest deployment of any letter to a 
foreign country since 1984.  During the summer of that year, the US 
shipped 92,000 consonants to Ethiopia, providing cities like Ouaouoaua, 
Eaoiiuae, and Aao with vital, comprehension-giving supplies of L's, S's and
T's.
The consonant-relief effort failed, however, when vast quantities of the
letters
were intercepted and hoarded by violent, gun-toting warlords.